It’s been quite a while that I penned something down for the blog. I’ve changed a lot over the last year. Life situations have changed. Lot of contemplation. Sometimes with no end in sight. I’m better, thanks to the pilgrimage that I undertook towards the close of last year and which I will be undertaking again in the coming few weeks. It has provided a much-needed anchor to hold on to and a much-needed space to step back from thinking.
I lost the will to write, thanks to an ever grueling schedule and bouts of ill-health. Not to mention my study of psychology. Sometimes, when you know, you also know that there’s no point in telling anyone anything. If they want, they will ask. If they haven’t, there’s no need yet. So, I can keep quiet. In the past, people around me have visibly showed it on their face how disinterested they were in my ramblings. Over the last few months, I’ve reduced the number of times I advise someone. But, it has provided a different problem – it feels as if I have no one I can share a few thoughts with. (A consequence I’m still grappling with.)
Ayyappa’s acceptance of who I was, with all my flaws. Dr. Irvin Yalom’s ‘4 givens’ of existential psychotherapy, and Krishna’s view that life is to be lived with a good intent at heart, and not worry about the results have been the most profound impacts on me. As one interested in philosophy and how religion and spirituality tie into it, I have come to accept some views of mythology. But, also, as a student of science, I’ve come to make peace with life’s givens:
- That you’ll die
- That you are irredeemably alone
- That you are condemned to freedom
- That there’s no meaning to life
Meditating on these points too has helped me in accepting life better, in letting go and in appreciating a perspective that life is all a game. Rules are imaginary. Follow them, break them. Win, lose. In the end, it’ just play. It doesn’t matter. Least of all, whether you won or lost.
Loser’s perspective? Or just another phase of life? Or, a lesson in the journey? May be all. May be realization. Only time will tell.
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