A couple of years back, I wrote a post on ‘what’s in my bag?’. This was a weird post to a few. But, folks who surf the net, know this to be a trend, with a peek at the Flickr stream of pictures tagged with ‘what’s in my bag?’ revealing interesting point of views. It’s just interesting to observe how people use various tools to navigate their day. What they use to get their work done. The posts reveal how we think, what we value, the workflows we follow, how we interact and make sense of the world. In this post I reason out why I use what I use on a daily basis.
Last few months’ perspective
It’s been quite a while that I penned something down for the blog. I’ve changed a lot over the last year. Life situations have changed. Lot of contemplation. Sometimes with no end in sight. I’m better, thanks to the pilgrimage that I undertook towards the close of last year and which I will be undertaking again in the coming few weeks. It has provided a much-needed anchor to hold on to and a much-needed space to step back from thinking.
Learnings at Work
As I complete a milestone year at my work, and also moving to a different role & team, a junior colleague asked if there are any learnings I could pass on. Well, I immediately put on my ‘lecturer’ hat and started talking. This is what I told her:
Thoughts – Ayyappa Deeksha
Sometimes it feels like nothing that happens is a coincidence. You will find yourself in places, taking decisions that an erstwhile ‘you’ would be surprised. I took one such decision towards the end of November last year. After almost two years of self-doubt & ego crumbling, I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t remember when was the last time I spent a day without being depressed. Depression was only getting worse. I desperately needed time to step back, step away from my daily routine and change my focus of existence from survival. Though, not a religious person, I decided to do Ayyappa Deeksha for 41 days. Something in me instinctively felt that the austerities & daily puja/prayer subscribed in the deeksha was something I needed. Was it a cop-out? In the beginning, yes. But, as days progressed, something in me was calming down. I didn’t want to ‘run’ anymore. I felt increasingly drawn to some power. I was at peace at stretch. All of us cannot be full-time hermits, but thanks to this deeksha, all could be part-time hermits every year. And, probably this was what I needed – a cut from everyone and everything for sometime. It came-in a time when I need it most. Had I done this earlier, I don’t think I would’ve realized it’s importance. Had it come late, I don’t know what would’ve become of me. I had been out on the limb for a very long time.
Who am I?
- Am I what I do?
- Am I what I achieve?
- Am I my beliefs?
- Am I my values?
- Am I my character which these values and believes have forged over the years?
- Am I who my family thinks I am? Who value me for their own reasons?
- Am I who my workplace thinks I am?
- Am I my education?
- Am I my skills?
- Am I my talent? my potential?
- Am I what my friends think I am?
- Am I what I think I am?
- Am I what the society thinks I am?
- Am I what I have? What I own?
Who am I?