Surviving as an Introvert

At work:

My manager: “You need to connect to people more, talk to people more”
I: “Why?”
Manager: “What do you mean why? How will people know what you are working on if you don’t talk to all?”
I: “aren’t you supposed to do that?”
Manager: “I will, but unless people see you as outgoing and gregarious, they’ll consider you an under performer, and why are you so shy about talking to people?’’
I:”no, I’m not shy. I’m just an introvert‘.
Manager: ’‘Aren’t they the same?’’
I: ‘‘No, they are not the same. Shyness is fear of social judgement whereas introverts shun social situations because they simply want to be alone, people simply drain our energy’’.
Manager: ‘‘Looks the same to me’’
I gave up.

Out of work: Hey man, what’s your weekend plan, asked my colleague. I replied, ‘I’m looking forward to curling up on the bed and finish the book I started’. He replied, ‘really? get a life dude’.

In today’s hyper connected digital world in which we constantly update the world with a minute to minute detail of our every day life, coming across a person who prefers reflection over action, who is reserved, who thinks before speaking, who enjoys silence and solitude is naturally disturbing. But being an introvert does not mean ‘I don’t like people’ in the same way that being an extrovert means being very good at maintaining a huge network. It’s in how that person relaxes, is in his element. Some people recharge their batteries in solitude, some when they are surrounded by people. The former is an introvert and the latter an extrovert. Asking an introvert to relax among people is the same as asking an extrovert to relax in solitude. They may be able to do so. But, it is not what they prefer. But, instead introverts are treated as handicapped. People who need to be coached or trained to overcome their shell.

Given this situation, Can introverts survive? Absolutely. How?

By accepting yourself – It is difficult for anyone to believe in themselves, that there’s nothing wrong with themselves when everyone around them are sending constant messages that being an introvert is akin to being handicapped. But, trust me, nothing is wrong with us. Believing, it’s perfectly OK to have this temperament is very important. Uncomfortable in a party? remember half of the individuals attending it, would love to be somewhere else just like you.

By creating a space for yourself – your own oasis: At home: Clear the desk, put aside a place only for you in one corner of the room – a place where you can retreat to. At work, take ‘alone breaks’ to recharge your batteries. grab a coffee and spend 30 minutes by yourself with a book or doing what refreshes you. I do that with my kindle.

By keeping your loved ones informed – Get their buy-in. Let them know about your preferences on how you’d like certain things – like planning weekends, holiday spots, family gatherings, etc. (But, be flexible to incorporate their preferences also sometimes).

I’ll end this short post with a quote Bryan Walsh (Editor of TIME Magazine): “Our temperaments may define us, that doesn’t mean we are controlled by them. If we can find something or someone that motivates us to push beyond the boundaries of our nerves. I’m happy to be an introvert, but that’s not all I am.”

The Upside Of Being An Introvert (And Why Extroverts Are Overrated)