I started doing the report exactly the way I’ve been doing it for the last four years. After an hour a colleague asked me what I was doing, and though I could retrace my steps back, I couldn’t recollect doing them. When on the road, I’d turn my bike automatically towards my most oft travelled route, even when I was supposed to go somewhere else. I’d skim through twitter feed and not remember what I read in the last tweet, participate in conversations but not listen enough, stare at the TV but not really watch, read through the pages but not care enough to remember the character names – Have I become a zombie? Am I turning to an Alzheimer’s patient or have gone numb to life?
I no longer participate in life but run it on autopilot.
Why do we put ourselves on autopilot?
We don’t like our life: The more we have stuff we don’t want to do, but are forced to, due to circumstances, we avoid the pain accompanying those acts by switching ourselves off. We go through the motions.
The future is bleak: I saw a few college grads couple of days back. They all were in high spirits. My default response was, ‘life still did not whack them down’. I wondered why we become pessimists as we grow old. I think it’s ’cause we fell short from what we hoped/dreamt we would achieve. We realized our limitations, we realized we’ll never/may not fulfill our dreams. We crash-landed into reality. Since there is no light at the end of the tunnel, we only do enough to get by.
Lack of control: on our own lives. We all are bogged down with ‘responsibilities’ which force us to do what we do, to take the path we took. Even though we have a strong desire to make a change, we are sometimes helpless because, certain commitments need to be met or things need to be taken care of. Frustrated with our helplessness we switch ourselves off to our surroundings.
Afraid to take control? If we lack the courage to control our life, if we lack the courage to risk and get out of our comfort zone, if we are afraid to venture out to seek our calling and stick to the ‘safe paths’ even when that’s not what we wanted, something in us dies. We become painfully aware of our own cowardice. How much ever we try to cover up that fact, our conscience never forgets and keeps reminding us. We become too uncomfortable living with ourselves and so we start avoiding ourselves becoming numb to all that’s happening around us.
Lack of energy? We spend a lot of energy in meeting the most basic necessities of life such as work, daily chores, etc. and after a long day we crave for rest. Here, we unconsciously prefer doing stuff which does not require of us to ‘think or pour ourselves into’, to recuperate from our low energy levels. But, by the time we are ready to bounce back, to do something meaningful, we have another regular day to tackle. We get bound in this vicious circle of not having any energy left to do anything but the basic chores required to keep our lives running. This fact constantly demotivates us. So we put our desire to ‘be/do something’ on the back burner and go on with the motions.
To be socially accepted? Sometimes we make choices to ‘fall in line’ with society. We may have chose paths we may not want, but to get accepted by near & dear. Afraid to hurt them, or afraid of being ostracized we continue in the path but with no heart in it.
Afraid of change? Sometimes half way through the journey we realize we have been climbing the wrong mountain all this while. But, we are so immobilized with this realization that we decide to ignore the mistake and keep moving forward lest we be branded ‘failure’. We’ll from then do anything but examine our life.
What’s the solution?
Accept: Life takes it’s own course, it may not go according to our plans. Sometimes, it plainly knocks the wind out of us and, it feels our life is beyond redemption. No ‘feel good’ personality advises work. We know a lot needs to change in our live and it’s not going to happen in a day. We at this juncture need to ‘accept’ life as it is. With both the good and the bad. Resistance causes suffering. Accept things the way they are liberates us to start afresh.
Believe: We’ve known failure in the past and it’s easy to be discouraged by it. But, it’s ultimately our life. We need to believe it’s worth giving it another shot. We owe it to ourselves. But, if we give up on ourselves, no one can help us. We need to internalize the fact that we cannot win all battles and it’s perfectly OK to lose some. We need to believe that just because our yesterday were empty and sad do not mean our tomorrows also will be the same. We need to trick ourselves to give life another chance.
Refocus: Now that we know where we are, we are even made aware of how far is ‘where we want to be’. Start small – one step at a time. Assign new goals. Keep them realistic, but not exactly within reach. Try focusing on the circle of influence and not on the circle of concern. Avoid falling into dogma and other peoples advise. Question yourself what you want – make them your purpose.
Risk: “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” – Pema Chodron. There is no ‘safe’ choice. Even the paths we’ve felt to be ‘risk-free’ are laden with inherent risks. Don’t be tempted to live in your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to operate outside it. A ship in harbour is always safe, but that is not it is meant for. You can buy a ferrarri and keep it in your garage only to see it wear out or take it out for a ride. Take the risk of pursuing your dreams. As Swami Vivekananda said, “take risks in your life, if you win, you can lead, if you lose, you can guide.”
Focus: The more stuff we are involved-in, the more is the energy required by our brain to process and cater to those needs thereby exhausting us physically and mentally. Reducing the number of commitments we are involved-in helps us retain our scattered attention and refocus it onto few critical issues. Cut all the non-value add, reduce clutter, remove anything but the essential. The less occupied our brain, the better is our involvement in issues.
Mindfulness: Feel what you are touching, listen to the sounds around you, smell the fresh air, lie in the grass, watch the sky with no plans for the future or worry about the past. Practicing such mindfulness helps us be more in the moment, helping us participate in life and not just remain a spectator.
“The proper function of man is to live – not to exist.” – Jack London
Medicine for most. 🙂
am trying… 🙂 🙂 🙂