My first journal was a blue coloured diary gifted to me by a close friend. It was the year ’97 and the diary was of ’95. But, it didn’t matter to me. I had an ‘official’ book to write down my thoughts. I was super excited to pen what I did that day. And, so started that day, without even realizing, a love affair of a lifetime. But, my journaling habits were on and off. Sometimes, I would write everyday, sometimes once a week or sometimes neglect it for months together. Recently, I realised it had been a very long time that I had written something. To motivate myself, I walked to my cupboard, opened it and squatted down on the floor. Lined to the wall were fifteen journals, I picked one and started reading. Going through the motives, feelings, thoughts of a younger me made me cry, laugh, hate and love myself at the same time. With each journal I could see myself grow from who I was then to who I am today. I regretted looking at the blank pages. Why didn’t I write then? What might I have lost because of that? A memory? A story? A smile? or a small understanding of myself? I had to write again.
Turning Pro
For a long time now, I’ve cherished a dream to become a writer. But, with no prior experience or skills, came self doubt. But, I wanted to try my hand at something and so in 2007 I started a blog. But, after the initial enthusiasm waned, I stopped writing. I knew I wanted to write, but suddenly it became a chore – the muse was no longer with me. I let the project go stale. But, after some soul searching, help from books, I understood muses don’t stay with anyone for long, and if we want to pursue our dream, we need to persevere with dicipline. I once again decided to write, this time even when I would not have any inclination. I closed the old blog, opened a new one, moved over all the old posts and continued to write. But, still doubts lingered in my heart: Do I have what it takes? Can I actually make it? Can I keep writing, not getting tired or running out of topics? What if history repeated itself? Will I quit like last time? I did not have any answers. But, I knew there was only one way to find out. Soon, blogging to me was not just passion at work, but, a test – do I have what it takes to be a writer? Will I perservere?
The Fountain of Ink
It was five in the evening, grandpa and I slowly walked towards the local park. The storekeepers on the way waved at me, hoping I’d buy a toffee from them. But, not today. Grandpa said he’d buy me one on our way back home. This was one reason why I looked forward to these saunters to the park – a guaranteed reward. But, that was not the only reason I never missed these walks. Grandpa was full of stories – just like all grand fathers were – and I loved to hear them. We sat at our regular bench and after relaxing for sometime he took out a folded piece of paper and spread it out in front of me – it was a news paper article on ‘fountain pens’.
A Love Affair
With a beer in hand one day, my friend asked me – when/where and how did I fall in love with books? I tried to recall: I went to a Christian missionary school and in December every year we had the half-yearly exams followed by a holiday of two weeks for Christmas and New year & I happened to live in a locality where most of my friends studied in schools which declared holidays in January (for Sankranthi) instead of December. So, year after year, I was at school when my friends were playing and at home when they were in school. With none to play around I used to search for ways to fill my free time.
The Best
Scenario 1: As I entered the pen store, my friends who accompanied me laughed at me, “who would buy so expensive pens, dude, other than fools like you?, wouldn’t a Reynolds do?”
Secnario 2: I walked in to my office with a new bag, my colleagues rushed in to check it out; one asked me, “do you need this costly bag? wouldn’t the one given by office for free do?”
Scenario 3: At a family gathering we decided to see a movie and I went in to my room to get the bluray. Immediately a relative asked, “Wow! you have a bluray? Why waste money when you can download from the net for free?”