Ambling

I love ambling. One of my favourite past times as a child was to walk to the nearest nursery. Taking roads that many don’t, avoiding main roads for bylanes was what I loved. It was just thinking on legs. Looking at plants that jutted through rocks on the pavement and wild shrubs that grew on the sides of the roads. I liked nature and silence. And, walking through the bylanes offered both. But, as I grew up, and relocated to other part of the city, I had pretty much stopped exploring my locality. The increasing construction, asphalt, traffic even in bylanes just killed that passion. But, it never quite disappeared.

I started giving walking a try a few years back, but, it came back as a form of ‘exercise’. That was the time I was into technology gadgets. Fitbit and later Apple Watch were my motivators. I thought since I anyways loved walking, these tech accessories would only encourage me. I would strap them on and walk through the nearby police lines and then KBR park. However, I realised that I now didn’t look forward to going on walks. Because, thanks to technology and me buying into the dominant cultural discourse of ‘being healthy’, my focus had shifted to ‘walking as a way to health and as an exercise’ than as just aimless walking of the past that I enjoyed. I pretty much gave up on it.

But, I was restless. I needed to get out of the house atleast sometimes, to get my body moving. My frail health meant no strenuous exercise. And, neither was I ever interested in making life last long. ‘Live fit enough to live well as long as you had time on this earth’ has always been my motto. So, I told myself, I’ll just goto KBR park and amble along the path. No time-limits, no calorie counts, no heart rate information. Just me and my thoughts. Probably some music or an audiobook for company.

And, voila, I fell in love with walking again. I go on a walk almost regularly now.

I give way to the joggers, runners, yoga masters who do asanas while walking, young and old, who sometimes give me judgemental looks as if prodding me to increase the pace and fall-in line with their steps. “Don’t you know you need to get your blood running? Move fast”, they seem to say.

I didn’t hire private trainers like my neighbours, I didn’t go to badminton like my family members, I didn’t hit the gym like my colleagues. I just wanted to walk. Didn’t I want to live? Physical exercise and its lack thereof had now turned into something that solely determine how long and how well I’ll live. And, ignoring exercise was, at my peril and showed only one thing – my laziness. ‘You anyways invest 1 hour in walking, why not invest it in going to a gym?’. I didn’t know what to reply to those for whom everything was an investment towards the future. The present serving the future, perpetually. (But, isn’t that how most of us approach life too. Always pining for the distant future). I told them, I walked, because I love walking. I didn’t want to burden it with improving my health. Well, they would then politely smile at me condescendingly, as if it was difficult to get through my thick skull. I would smile back too, for my simple walking, to them, had become a symbol of resistance against the dominant narrative. If I was moving against the current, then I sure must be crazy.

You don’t find peace when you pursue it. You don’t find happiness when you pursue it. Life is full of paradoxes. What if your mental and physical health benefits when you pursue activities you love, instead of pursuing activities that have them as the prime motivators?

All I now know is this. I look forward to going on a walk every morning. I chose a time when the park is almost empty. I like having the walking stretch only to me. I like the silence. I like to hear birds chirping, peacocks flitting around, rabbits bouncing at a distance. I like to watch the changing colours of the leaves, the changing seasons, the new leaf breaking through the soil, the water drop on a the green grass, the snail slowly crossing the walkway. Trees shedding their leaves and in a few days watching new leafs sprout on those barren branches. The circle of life. Nature brings me out of my tiny head. Gives me perspective. This too shall pass. The weathered branch shall pass. The new leaf shall pass. Rejoice the green in spring. Rejoice the brown and black in winter.

But, not all days are so blissful. The heat is strong, the noise of the traffic breaks the silence, people loudly speaking on speakerphones, life keeps happening. On those days, I trust my headphones to block out the noise. While my eyes feast on nature, my mind is focused on what deep thinkers say about the human condition.

Sometimes when I go on a walk with sole hope of finding peace, it evades me. Because when I desperately search for peace, anything and everything that comes in the way of ‘my definition’ of peace makes me irritable and depressed. So, I now go with the flow. I try to take the conditions of the park in my stride and adapt to the surroundings. I don’t walk fast. I don’t run. My cell is on airplane mode with notifications off. I take time. I walk at a pace that is comfortable to me. I pay attention to the surroundings. I stop from time to time to sit at a nearby bench if it strikes my fancy. I don’t care about anything other than the present moment. And, that is the greatest benefit I’ve derived off my walking.