When will I be happy?

When I was a kid I thought I’ll be happy when I grow up, after I grew up I thought when I get into college, in college when I find a girl, then when I get a good job, in job when I get married. I noticed one thing, this circle never ended. What happened was, I grew up, college ended, girls came and went, but, happiness remained all elusive. I would be happy for a day or two when I achieved the goal. But, then again regular life would start all over again with the phrase: “I’ll be happy when…” Happiness always lied in the future for me with another goal to achieve. I eventually gave up the pursuit of happiness, ‘coz I knew I’ll not be happy even after reaching the illusionary “arrived” state.

When I look back, all I see is a string of empty days punctuated with one or two ‘big’ days. Is this life? Surely life meant something more than this. This was not the life I looked forward to when I was a kid. Adam Sandler’s movie ‘Click’ illustrated this point pretty well. Sandler uses a remote-control device to skip over unpleasant & boring (read daily life) events to live only the moments he thinks matter (‘big’ days), to realize in the end that by concentrating only on those days, he missed out on life, the movie concludes that it is not the ‘big’ days that contribute towards life’s meaning & happiness but all the days in between them. So true.

A few days back I went to a dhaba (a roadside rustic hotel) with friends where I was served by a waiter who was very pleasant and smiling all the time. I could tell from his attire he was very poor and that he was smiling just to get a good tip from us. I kept observing him, he was polite & kind to the customers, joked with his fellow waiters, recommended us what to eat very earnestly. I couldn’t understand and help but wonder ‘How could he be so happy?’ he was neither rich, nor educated, nor successful, nor famous, or anything. He had none of what I thought one requires to be happy. If he fell sick, he would have to go to a filthy government hospital; if hungry, he would’ve to visit a very lowly restaurant, hardly have any money to spend if happy – then what on earth was making him smile? A good tip? Or just a good day? Or was it that he accepted his status quo? Or that he made peace with failure? I dont know. But, his smile troubled me greatly. I compared my life to his. Though not a fairy tale, I wouldn’t consider my life a tragedy either. This incident boiled down to one thing for me – you don’t need “money” or any external factors to be happy.

The movie & the waiter left me thinking, if neither the destination nor the external factors are needed to make a person happy, then what will?

I realized ‘living’ every moment of everyday make us happy. Being present in the ‘now’ makes us happy. ‘Being’ happy makes us happy (It’s a state of mind, not a place to arrive at). Realizing that we don’t need this thing or that thing to be happy makes us happy. Knowing that we can be happy wherever we are with whatever we have makes us happy. Enjoying the journey, not just the destination, makes us happy.

Happiness is found within once we accept who we are, once we give up all notions that only having something, or reaching a milestone or being somebody else will make us happy. Not an easy task. But who said being happy is easy?