Archives for January 2018

Sometimes it feels like nothing that happens is a coincidence. You will find yourself in places, taking decisions that an erstwhile ‘you’ would be surprised. I took one such decision towards the end of November last year. After almost two years of self-doubt & ego crumbling, I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t remember when was the last time I spent a day without being depressed. Depression was only getting worse. I desperately needed time to step back, step away from my daily routine and change my focus of existence from survival. Though, not a religious person, I decided to do Ayyappa Deeksha for 41 days. Something in me instinctively felt that the austerities & daily puja/prayer subscribed in the deeksha was something I needed. Was it a cop-out? In the beginning, yes. But, as days progressed, something in me was calming down. I didn’t want to ‘run’ anymore. I felt increasingly drawn to some power. I was at peace at stretch. All of us cannot be full-time hermits, but thanks to this deeksha, all could be part-time hermits every year. And, probably this was what I needed – a cut from everyone and everything for sometime. It came-in a time when I need it most. Had I done this earlier, I don’t think I would’ve realized it’s importance. Had it come late, I don’t know what would’ve become of me. I had been out on the limb for a very long time.

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